He Restores My Soul
I came to Christ in the summer between seventh and eighth grade and was baptized a few months later. I was active in our church youth group and over the course of my high school years, my faith continued to grow. Now, this must be qualified by noting that I lived in a small, farming community, which lacked diversity of virtually any kind. I say this, not to criticize, but to simply note that there was little to test the faith of a naïve teenager.
This changed when I joined the US Air Force and found myself teamed up with individuals from across this great country, many with backgrounds, histories and belief structures that were completely foreign to me. I suddenly found my beliefs challenged – not always by others, but from my own internal (lack of) understanding of what I truly believed.
By the time I hit my late twenties, my faith was gone, replaced by rage, self-pity, and outright arrogance. I told God I’d had enough. I told Him to leave me alone, that I could take care of myself, thank you very much. I still believed in Him. That hadn’t changed. But in my youth, ignorance (and yes, confusion), I simply chose not to have anything to do with what I deemed at the time to be His interference in my life.
Thankfully, God ignored my rantings and remained by my side throughout this difficult time of my life. He respected my wishes enough to remain still and quiet, but He never left. He never gave up on me, even when I’d given up on Him. When this phase passed and I returned, He was there waiting, patiently.
I would like to tell you, that like the prodigal son, I came back to God, more humble, repentant and with a joyful heart. I’d like to tell you that, but it would be a lie. The truth was that my attitude toward God took a while to change. My immediate difficulties had passed and so, while I wasn’t “mad at God” any longer, I was simply moving on, and God was welcome to join me, if He wanted to.
As time went on, I slowly became more open to the God I remembered from my high school days. The God of Psalms 23, the Lord who was my Shepherd. The One who ensured that I would not be in need. The God who was with me, even while I walked through the valley of the shadow of death. I began taking comfort in Him, knowing that even when I was at my worst, He was with me. He was always there, waiting patiently for me to turn to Him with whatever emotional turmoil I was going through. After a while, I began to do just that. I began turning to Him for help – leaning on Him more and more.
In First Thessalonians, the Apostle Paul encourages his readers to “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks…” While I didn’t always rejoice, and I wasn’t always as thankful as I should have been, the “pray without ceasing” part really hit home. I found myself talking to God all the time – day and night, in the car, in the shower, wherever, whenever, about anything great or small. And I listened, or at least I tried to listen to what God was trying to tell me. Little things, big things, I tried to be open to moving in the direction He wanted me to go.
“Not my will, Lord, but yours.”
Are you angry? Filled with self-doubt, or something else that’s holding you back? Would you consider giving God a chance? I know it’s a big step, but I would encourage you to think on it. No matter what we’ve done, no matter what we’ve said, He will never depart from us. He’s waiting to be your shepherd; to lead you beside quiet waters and restore your soul.
Will you let Him?
“The Lord is my shepherd; I will not be in need. He lets me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness, For the sake of His name.”
Psalms 23: 1-3 NASB